Son of a Quiche...

Less than one hundred days to wait now for the Olympics.

It would be easy to be sarcastic about spending millions on a fortnight of sport but I am choosing to embrace the experience.  Why not celebrate the achievements of our athletes and logistical skills alike. I have even bought a bit of merchandise already, the kids have mascot mugs and Team GB colour hair bands. We are collecting a full set of Olympic 50 pences but currently, only have seven out of twelve.

Obviously, it is convenient that the torch is passing by my very doorstep.  Nice and local. 
I am considering going out to watch in full-body, union jack lycra body stocking.
Here are a few Olympic facts:
   The first games were held in 776BC and consisted of one event - the 100m sprint. All athletes were nude and the whole occasion was considered more of a religious festival.
   Stella the Fella—Poland's Stella Walsh (Stanislawa Walasiewicz)—won the women's 100-metre race at the 1932 Olympics in Los Angeles, becoming the first woman to break the 12-second barrier. When she was killed in 1980 as an innocent victim in a robbery attempt, an autopsy declared her to be a male.
   Every national flag in the world contains at least one colours from the Olympic rings.
(You could probably say the same about caravan upholstery though lets be honest).
   

Bacon and Broccoli Quiche

Get your sandals on and grow a quick beard because today, its quiche.
I don't like quiche much but the problem I have with it is the cheesy egg.
For this recipe, there is no cheese in the egg filling, instead, all the fromage resides in the pastry.
Its just better this way.



For a nine inch flan dish you will need 6oz of pastry.
That's 6oz plain flour
3oz butter
2oz finely grated Parmesan cheese
Cold water to mix.

Rub the butter in to the flour and then stir the cheese through.
Add sufficient cold water to make a soft dough and knead until combined.
Its a good idea to rest the pastry in the fridge for a while before you roll it out.

Roll out the pastry to be a little bigger than the tin as it will shrink in the oven. 
Prick the base with a fork.
To avoid the dreaded soggy bottom, bake before you fill at 180 degrees for about 20 minutes.
Use baking beans, or the cheaper alternative - dried lentils - on a sheet of baking paper.  This will stop the pastry puffing up.  Remove the baking beans about 10 minutes before the time is up to brown the base.

For the filling:

Chop up and fry two gammon steaks, (smoked or not, its up to you), one sliced onion and two rashers of streaky bacon. Cook for 5 minutes or so and then add about half a head of broccoli in small florets. Cook over a low heat for about ten minutes more until the broccoli has softened a little.
Leave to one side to cool.

To assemble the quiche, spread the cooled filling across the base and cover with four whole eggs, beaten with a splash of milk and a little salt and pepper.
Sprinkle with finely chopped spring onion.
Bake at 180 degrees for twenty minutes - until the egg has set right to the centre.
You may now wish to trim the pastry edge before serving.

Funny of the Week

A particularly good episode of The Unbelievable Truth

http://www.bbc.co.uk/i/b01g5zp0/

Happy Easter!

A Great Good Friday to you all.

Make some chocolate buns and hide eggs all over the house.  There is still one in my sock drawer from last year - I may melt that one down for ice-cream sauce now.








Best Beef and Great Gravy.

The ultimate roasting joint is the rib-roast. 
Ask your butcher to bone the joint and then tie the rib back on for roasting.
1.5kg will feed six hungry people.
Total cooking and resting time for medium beef is 1 hour and twenty minutes.
With meat this good, all you need to do is cook it!

Heat the oven to 250 degrees centigrade and sear the meat for 15 minutes.
Then turn the heat down to 190 degrees and cook for a further 15 minutes per half kilo.
Please don't over-cook your lovely beef!
It will then need to rest with a foil lid for at least twenty minutes.

For the gravy:

This is slightly unconventional but it works and it takes all of the last minute stress away from a roast dinner.
You will need;
2 tbsp butter
2 tbsp plain flour
3/4 bottle red wine
500ml beef stock
1/2 tsp garlic puree
2 tbsp cranberry or redcurrant sauce
1/2 tsp Dijon mustard

In a saucepan, cook the butter and flour gently and stir for about five minutes.
Now add the wine, a little at a time, allowing it to thicken as you go.
Add the garlic puree, cranberry sauce, mustard and beef stock.

Taste your gravy.
Depending on the acidity of the wine, you may wish to add a little sugar and extra butter to smooth it out.
If at this stage you would prefer a gravy that is more brown and thicker, add a few gravy granules, I won't tell anybody!
Let the gravy simmer really gently for the entire time your beef is in the oven.

After the joint has rested for a good half hour, snip the strings and lift it off the bone.  It will now be really easy to carve.
Add the resting juices to the gravy.
You can serve immediately or, box it up, cover with gravy and refrigerate or freeze it until you're ready to eat it!  All you will need to do is heat it gently on the hob and concentrate on making perfect Yorkshire puddings.
(Recipe already on this blog under Toad in the Hole).

Around the Grounds

The peacock butterfly emerges from hibernation from March onwards. Their caterpillars love to eat nettles so that's another reason to leave messy patches in your garden. July sees another flush of butterflies as the new generation bursts forth.

Male peacock butterflies will defend a territory throughout the summer - harassing any females that pass through.  Typical.








Pasta Bakettes

Making individual pasta bakes may seem like madness for a kids tea but there are advantages.  The kids like to have a topping of plastic sausage whereas I prefer crunchy breadcrumbs and Parmesan.
All you need is a tomato type sauce of your preference and some cooked pasta.
Leave the sauce thinner than normal.
Assemble in individual oven dishes and top with whatever suits the diners.
Bake at 190 degrees for about 15 minutes.

Funny of the Week

The return of The Unbelievable Truth

http://www.bbc.co.uk/i/b01f5hp9/

The mid-life crisis

The 10k run was invented after a disco when a middle aged woman was trying to get home with a take-away before it got cold.  Luckily, the kebab shop was exactly 10k from her home.
That is why it is now traditional for ladies of a certain age to take up jogging.
If you are currently training for a sporting event, I salute you.
As an outlet for your mid-life crisis, jogging is a pretty good option.  It gives you a new perspective on what you can achieve with a little practice and it costs a lot less than an embarrassing sports car.  It also gives you a space in your week, away from everything else in your life - which is sometimes all you need. (That and knee supports).


Fish Fingers
Instead of adding to Captain Birdseye's already bulging pension fund, make your own for that all-over wholesome feeling.
It costs more and takes longer.

This recipe starts with a bacon sandwich.
Fry your bacon, eat your sandwich.
Now, in the frying pan of bacon juices, fry two slices of bread until golden and crispy.
Don't eat the bread!! Set aside to cool completely.

When you want to assemble your fish fingers, rip the fried bread in to a blender and blitz to breadcrumbs.  Do the same with a couple of ordinary slices of bread and combine the breadcrumbs evenly.

You will also need a dish of beaten egg, a dish of plain flour and some lovely pieces of white fish.  These are river cobbler but equally good and ethical are pollock, bass and plaice.

Dip the fish in the flour, then the egg and then coat in breadcrumbs and place on a lightly oiled baking tray.

When all the fish is done you can store the tray in the fridge until you are ready to cook.
Any left-over breadcrumbs can be frozen and used straight from the freezer.

Bake at 200 degrees for about 20 minutes, until golden.  You won't need to turn them.
Serve with lovely greens and new potatoes.




A Walk for the Weekend

The Skye Half Marathon. 13 and a bit miles, circular.

This is a special for some of my followers who will be on the Island over Easter.  Go and have a look at the route and decide whether it is too hilly or not:
Begin at Portree high school. The official route runs anti-clockwise but you are on holiday so you decide.

Marsco

If its hill-walking you fancy, check out the stunning peak of Marsco in the Red Hills.
After a steady walk, climb and then scramble to the top along the well-marked path, you can descend and stop for a cheeky half in the Sligachan Hotel.

Funny of the Week.

Unfortunately, I think these dudes may have found goddesses by now...

http://youtu.be/WvQ39Yem4Uc

Things to fry before you die

This week I have been mainly outside which is perfect for body and mind.  The spring has certainly sprung and it is impossible to stay indoors.  If you have limited time to spend in the garden, make sure you dig out those perennial weeds that are now emerging. Next month they will be broadcasting their seeds willy and indeed, nilly.  It is also a good time to divide and move large clumps of herbacious plants and rearrange your borders to your liking.

Lazy Weekend Blueberry Pancakes

5oz Self-raising flour
2oz caster sugar
1 egg
60ml milk
1tsp baking powder
Blueberries

Whisk the ingredients together, minus the blueberries, and leave the batter to sit for a little while.
Heat a frying pan and add a little sunflower oil and some butter.
Add the batter, about a tablespoon at a time.
As the bubbles start to break the surface, place a few blueberries into each pancake.
Flip and cook for a further minute or so - the blueberries will pop and go all jammy.
Serve with maple syrup.

So delicious.  If you have to share, make double quantities.


It's getting batter...

Deep fried food is the best.  That's a fact.

Potato fritters:

Flour and water batter
Thin slices of raw potato (about as thick as a pound coin)

Make the batter by whisking plain flour with enough water to make a thick and sticky mixture - its the same recipe for paper mache.  Thicker than yorkshire pudding batter but thinner than poly-filler.

Now heat a pan of oil until jumping hot - take care!
Dip the potato slices in the batter and then fry in the oil until crispy and golden brown all over. 
This will take about 5 minutes.  Serve on a kitchen towel with tomato ketchup.

This is a very versitle batter and can be used for main course and pudding alike-


Things to fry before you die:

      Slices of cored apple - serve with sugar
      Cooked chicken - serve with chilli dipping sauce    
      King prawns
      Bounty bars or Mars bars

      Ice cream wrapped in filo pastry - minus the batter
     

Funny of the week

A great episode of Just a Minute from Mumbai

http://www.bbc.co.uk/i/b01dhn6y/

 

Pies!

For a perfect pie you need perfect pastry.  For perfect pastry, you need margarine. Trust me.  I've tried butter, lard and combinations of the lot but for pliable, reliable dough, steel yourself and buy some Stork.

Herby shortcrust pastry for savoury pies:

16oz plain flour
8 oz margarine

5 tsp dried mixed herbs
1 tsp ground black pepper
Enough cold water to bring it all together

Rub the fat in to the flour, add the herbs and black pepper and mix.
Add the water, a little at a time and mix to a smooth, workable dough.
Wrap in cling film and rest in the fridge for half an hour or so.
Roll out to whatever size your pie dishes are.

Top Tip:  Paint all of the base with beaten egg before the filling goes in.  This will not only help the lid to stick, it also water-proofs the base so that you won't get a soggy bottom. These ones are mince and potato.


Fillings to try before you die:

Chicken and bacon in bechemel sauce
Hot beef chili and rice served with sour cream
Ham and sausage with leek sauce
Lamb curry and Bombay potato served with riata

Around the Grounds

Be daring and move your tubs of bulbs away from the house.  It should be warm enough from now on but if there is a frost forecast, just nip out at dusk and put some newspaper over the top.
Other jobs to be getting on with:
         Feeding the lawns
         Tying up climbing plants
         Clearing and cleaning the greenhouse
         Drinking tea and staring defeatedly at the problem areas

 

Happy Mother's Day!

Make your lovely mum a cake.

Boiled Fruit Cake

Weigh these things in to a pan:

1lb dried fruit

4oz glace cherries (halved)

6oz soft brown sugar

4oz butter

Half pint of water

2tsp mixed spice

Heat until everything melts together and then cook at a moderate simmer for about half an hour - the fruit will plump up and there will still be a little free liquid.

Allow to cool thoroughly.

Once cool add:

8oz Self-raising flour

2 beaten eggs

Mix well

Line an 8" circular tin and add the mixture.

Wrap the cake tin with brown paper and make a brown paper lid for the top.

Place in the centre of a pre-heated oven - 150 degrees centigrade - and bake for 1 and a half hours.

When completely cold, remove from the tin and cover with marzipan - stick this to the cake with apricot jam or marmalade.

(Remember to look suprised when you get this cake Mum) x

Funny of the Week

A special for Mums everywhere.

The Mom Song

http://youtu.be/CXgoJ0f5EsQ

Don't allow your spuds to be boring.
Nicey slicey potatoes

I don't know why slicing the potatoes in to coins makes them taste and cook better than chips but it just does.  Any type of potato works.  These are new potatoes so I didn't even have to peel them.

Slice potatoes in to rounds, approx. 5mm thick.
Place in a roasting dish and coat with olive oil.
Roast at 200 degrees until they begin to colour - about 20-30 minutes.
Add a little rosemary and salt and pepper at this stage. (I find adding salt at the begiinning makes the potatoes sweat, go soggy and stick to the tray.  Nobody wants that).
Return them to the oven for another 10 minutes or so.

Meanwhile, fry a few whole chestnut mushrooms in a hot pan on the hob until soft.
Add the cooked mushrooms and a handful of cherry tomatoes to the roasting dish and return to the oven for a final 10 minutes. 
(Total cooking time for the potatoes is about 45 minutes).




Around the grounds
Reach for your Shears

Can you feel the sap rising?  Your woody shrubs can.
This is a good week to trim the branches, as much as you dare.  The warm weather will bring a flush of new growth and you will have vigorous bushes again.
You can attack leaf-less specimens and evergreens alike but be a bit more gentle with the leafy ones.  Cut-leaf elders respond really well to being pruned right back.

From this...

...to this

Calling all students;
Pan-lid toasties

Everyone loves a toastie and you don't need a toastie maker to make a toastie.
Just a frying pan and a pan lid.
Assemble your favourite incredients in a sandwich, usually including cheese, butter on the outside in the usual way for a toastie.
Heat a dry frying pan and then apply the sandwich.
Squash down with a pan lid until the cheese gets melty and then turn.
Cook on the other side for a couple of minutes until golden and then apply to your face.
Delicoius.

Fillings to try before you die:
      Salami and mozarella
      Mars bar and chopped nuts
      Banana and crunchy peanut butter

Funny of the Week

Lovely topical comedy by Radio 4.

Newsjack

http://www.bbc.co.uk/i/b01cws31/

March On!

When you feel the need to show off using the medium of biscuits - as we all do from time to time- here's an idea:

Vanilla and Chocolate checked biscuits
Have you ever had your biscuits checked?
No, its just the way I'm sitting.

Not too much effort and deliciously impressive results:

8oz butter
7.5oz sugar
1.5 tsp baking powder
1 egg
15oz plain flour
2 tsp vanilla extract
70g milk chocolate - melted
20g cocoa powder

Cream the butter and sugar in a mixer until fluffy. 
Add the egg, baking powder, flour and vanilla extract.
Beat again until a ball of dough is formed.
Divide the dough in half and incorporate the cocoa powder and melted chocolate in to one half.

Now form the two flavours in to thick sausages, wrap in cling film and chill well.
Once chilled, cut along the length and join the two flavours together.  Now cut along the length again at 90 degrees to the first cut and swap halves again to get the battenburg-esq pattern.  It is much easier to do than write about!!

You could wrap in cling again at this stage and store in the fridge for a couple of days or, freeze for as long as you like.

When you want to eat your lovely creations, slice in to rounds and place on ungreased baking trays.
Bake in the centre of the oven at 190 degrees centigrade for 8 minutes, turning the tray half way through the cooking time.






A Walk for the Weekend

Get out and enjoy the spring time.

Wallace's Trench
5 miles, circular.

Begin at the car park in the village of Yarrowford in the Scottish borders. 
The route is way marked, up a short flight of steps to the back of the car park and along the edge of a small wood, to the open hillside.  You are surrounded by beautiful scenery for the whole journey with views of Brown Knowe and the distant Three Brethren - the impressive cairns that mark one edge of the Royal Borough of Selkirk.
At the top of the route you will join the Minchmoor track.  This is one of the oldest roads in Scotland, mentioned by James I and a likely candidate as a pre-roman route.
The trench itself crosses the Minchmoor road and may have been a defence built by William Wallace. 
There is eveidence to suggest that it is much older however and may be a Pictish structure.










Whatever the origins of the trench, the walk is to be enjoyed for the stunning surroundings and possible encounters with deer, fox and raptors.





Sticky Chicken Drumsticks

Do you have chicken legs?
No, its just the way I'm standing.

This is a very flexible idea for a marinade for chicken drumsticks, sausages or ribs.

A squirt of tomato ketchup
A squirt of bar-be-que sauce
A splash of tomato passata or similar
A dollop of mango chutney
A squeeze of lemon
A drizzle of olive oil
Salt and pepper
Chili flakes

Mix up your marinade in a lasagne dish and then add your drumsticks.
Coat thoroughly and leave in the fridge for as long as possible.
Remove from fridge half an hour before cooking.
Roast at 180 degrees for 40 minutes, the first 30 minutes with a foil lid on.

Funny of the Week

Some gentle comedy from the former inventor off of Balamory, Miles Jupp

http://www.bbc.co.uk/i/b01ckr46/